Monday, August 15, 2011

Future sounds so scary

One month plus to my degree convocation in September and I dont feel excited, yet. After three years of slaving myself to memorising notes and graphs, I am now hesitating of what future will make out of me. And apparently, biology isnt me. It might be the apple of many doctors and surgeons' eyes, but as for myself, it doesnt define who I really am. I do love some parts of bio fields or subjects; the ones related to human and health always attract my attention. But those associated with nature, for instance, botany and environment, so far, dont mesmerize me any further. I realised that my passion and capabilities wont collide, thus making things more complicated. I love maths, but I couldnt solve differential equation and calculus. At times, I found myself getting indulged in reading histories and laws, but I somehow failed to remember which parties had involved in World War II. Writing is what fills my leisure time, but my Bahasa or English is getting worst, due to lack of practises. The one that never ever had or is going to be something I want to treasure is of course, anything thats got to do with softwares, computer skills and information technologies intelligence. That might also be one of the reasons why I am not into games, at all.

If I opt for lecturer or teaching line, I almost get my future guaranteed. But, I guess satisfaction is what I'm gonna miss. If it is business line of which I wanted to do for so long, I ought to be extremely strong (someone advised me so) as risks are everywhere. Or else, be a policewoman, making true of late Tokyem's wish.

I am, urmmm, at my wits ends. Maybe it is way in the future that makes me feel like ''ahh. Its not like i'm gonna settle down everything today so whats there to be worried about.'' The only issue here, how the hell am I gonna answer this ''done for ur degree. Have u applied for spa?'' or ''if u really wanna do masters, whats next? other than being a lecturer, i mean.''

Oh man. This hari raya will sure be hell exhausting explanation (or might be eyes blinking as well) i'd do.

SO. 150811. 1838. BBU, JB.

Friday, August 5, 2011

What I miss?

1. Writing small greeting notes, folding it up and putting it under a friend’s desk. Just like I used to do when I was in upper secondary school.

2. Marching. Sounds pretty crazy, but yeah, I had a bash at doing this for school sports day.

3. Having crush, during tuition classes or in the bus, heading home after school hours. Walking in the bazaar as it is now the fasting month, as I expected, I saw Rangga, the one I adored few years back. And he’s doing well I guess. Oh, he’s more tanned.

4. Watching people playing tennis and basketball. And as for myself, I miss cycling! These were what I did three years ago, in the matriculation period.

5. Wearing spectacles. I’m thinking of having glasses back again. Not because I’m sick of contact lenses, but yeah, an old-school frame is what I miss after a while abandoning it.

6. Reading Cleo. Final term early this year was so hectic that I couldn’t find my leisure time spending on what I’ve loved before. Last month’s cover was Rihanna and I hate her, so I want to get this month’s issue when I have the time. My English is getting from bad to worse, and I don’t feel right about it.

7. Losing weight. Okay, this sounds hell funny. I did diet five years back, the skinniest I’ve ever been (for me, skinniest is the lowest pounds I’d possibly achieve), it was in my first year that I really did sit-ups and I did jog quite some times when I was in my second year. And now, laziness is all over me, I swear I’m sort of don’t-really-care-what-I’m-consuming recently. Oh damn. I’m flabbier and easily languid, I know. But the will to shed few kilos down isn’t here, and this makes things harder.

8. Watching Ronaldo, not football. I’m not into Spanish League at all, so yeah, it has been a while since I last witnessed him performing superbly. There’re two games I had myself stayed up; Real Madrid was defeated 1-5 by Barca and then, it was a draw 1-1 for the similar involved teams in a match later which I’ve forgotten for which league.

9. Bare clean face. I’ve only known pimples at the age of 18. Before that age, acne was way too far from reaching my face, even if I didn’t wash my skin perfectly. I didn’t even have a proper facial wash at that time. If I’m behaving the same for now, blemishes would be so packed up and closed that they can greet each other. And some more, I do feel like leaving the house without any single face paint; no lip gloss, eyeliners, blusher or whatsoever. Not even concealer/compact powder if possible (possible here means I still have my confidence level up high).

10. Having a bone to pick up with. I miss arguing with someone who is capable of making me confused and desperate. I’ll be doing red herring when you see me out of my wits; it is when the title is yours. I hate losing and I wont give up easily, but deep inside, I admire people winning over me.

SO. 050811. 1511. BBU, JB.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Intentionally, I wanted to write something else; more to like, hmmm, letting the cat out of the bag, but doing that would raise questions marks before me later. And I’m tired of answering and explaining something I’m unsure of.

The only I can express now is that the one I’ve been talking in my previous posts is someone who is close to other girl, and he has many female friends. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up with someone I’ve never ever thought of. For sure I’m freaking jealous, but who is he to me?

It has been three times; I heard twice and I read once. I’m absolutely tired of holding in. But I’m afraid of whats gonna happen if I’m bursting this out. Friendship will no longer be on the list. He has been a great help as a buddy, and losing him would be hurtful.

It’s the time of the month, and I’m mumbling like an old nanny and I should stop typing shit over here.

Oh, this is the only that makes Onn's family to be ecstatic. With the birth of a niece, I've already had my title changed. I'm now an aunt! Kiddy, get well soon and cepatlah balik rumah! Duduk kat nursery pun bukannya ada mamat hensem kan. ;)

SO. 020811. 0024. BBU, JB.