291111

Self-quality time is slowly decreasing, and I hate this part of my life.

What I’m feeling right now reminds me of how wonderful my days were couple of years back. I still remember my first few days in the uni - getting late to classes, copying assignments, club meetings, choral speaking practices and much more. Final year was tough though. And I still bear in mind for every single bit of the experiences. That’s how I got here now.

Studying is never easy. Nevertheless, I still have some time off of books. I went jogging to ease my mind after hours of memorizing notes, I met up friends during weekends, and I slept like half-day long when there’s no class on certain days.

And I miss doing those. Now that I’m working, I have very little time for myself. I feel like I’m abandoning my own self-care – xde jogging dah, muka comot, skin rashes kena gigit serangga, lengkaplah penderitaan gua. I’d have to go for fieldwork every fortnight, and outdoor cases are unexpected - expedition, seminar and so on. I got fatigue on weekends, so I’d just rest at home. And watch tv. And browse thru facebook and email. And that’s it. Sounds pretty boring, and believe me, it is duller than it may sound.

If it is up to me, I don’t wanna do anything right now. I really wanna have my hands off of pen and test-pad. I just want to have a year break. How I wish it’d be possible.

For recent, it is not only the changing phase of studying to working. My life is undergoing differences in terms of the seriousness of every decision I make. Every single yes or no contributes to future. Yeah, just follow the flow you may say to lighten up the burden in your mind and heart. But how hard gambler we really are?

Had a chat earlier with one and only brother-in-law, Hairie. We talked randomly-my future other half, politics, science, development of Malaysia, religions and so on. When talking to him, I always take him as a spokesperson for Mars creatures. And yes, for some cases and situations, he gives me a contrast view compared to what I might be thinking as a Venus's. Since my love life has never been as easy one, he told me that

"Keep looking on."

I still remember his elaboration that makes him say the above statement, but I dont feel like spilling it out here. I prefer to keep it concealed myself.


“ Gua mahu lari jauh-jauh for few days, without hand phone so nobody is able to reach me. Wait. Where’s my calendar?”




SO. 0004. 291111. Kajang, Selangor.

2011.2011

"Try not to depend on others sangat tau." - Somebody close, 171111.
I couldnt agree more.


And all I need is self-assurance, the answer of how to be independent.


Yes, I value self-quality time, as much as I value those important in my life.


Today's date is beautiful. Just like you. Thank u.




SO. 2305. Kajang, Selangor.

141111

" Jujur, aku sedang makan hati. Tak mengapalah, ini mungkin hanya hasutan syaitan sahaja. Depa mana nak kita hidup suka ria senang happy happy. "





SO. 2347. Kajang Selangor.

Cliche but true

“Tiada sebab pun untuk jatuh cinta.”

It sounds like damn cliché, but deep inside, I can hardly resist the truth behind the statement above.

Sometimes, you have someone who behaves like your soul mate, whom takes a very good care of you, who’s willing to go thru all sorts of troubles just to make you smile, whom eases your heart when you feel down and most importantly, whose actions and words capable to bring you to Jannah,

But,

You ended up liking someone whom you’re totally clueless about. The one with not-my-type characteristics, whom only fit as a buddy and only know what other people know of you, the one you’re wondering if he could stand holding your secrets without letting the cat out of the bag (and maybe u don’t even share stories with him coz you don’t feel like to) and much more traits you wouldn’t want to list them down.

“Jodoh itu rahsia Allah.”

It’s not that I’m ready to get married nor I now have met my other half, but it is my future and I’d be lying if I say I don’t think about it, if I careless about it. In the meantime, yes, I do crushing on someone. And I don’t know how to handle it.

But,

I’ll never ever do a love confession (I really hope so). Because…

1. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’d lose our friendship.
2. It is said that “if we love a person, don’t tell him, coz Allah will lessen our love towards him. Instead, tell Allah. Allah knows whom we’re destined with.”

As Muslims, qada’ and qadar (fate) is something we’re thought to have faith in as it is determined by Allah the Almighty. Hidup mati, rezeki, dan jodoh itu kepunyaan semua makhlukNya. Nevertheless, Islam doesn’t teach its followers to just sit down without doing any efforts (depend solely on fate) to achieve what we want. Usaha, doa dan tawakkal - three words that completes how Muslims should carry their duties as Caliph of the Mundane, as Allah will not change our fate if we don’t change it ourselves.

And if, we still don’t get what we wished for, always bear in mind that,

He gives what we NEED instead of what we WANT.




Who else is the perfect organizer for every single thing on the universe?



SO. 301011. 1721. Kajang, Selangor.

J.A

Seriously, like seriously, and I'm freaking serious, that


I am very much in love with Johan Asari. But who the hell is he?




I have always loved the persona of bad boys; the face, gel-less hair, manly voice, fan of shorts or three-quarter and such.

And the best part is, when u see them wearing Baju Melayu. I bet they really sell the piece.

My Tuesdays have never been boring since Cinta Elysa kicked its ass. Only to watch him this week, I postponed my nap even though my upper eyelashes almost met the bottom ones just now.


Johan Asari, seriously, kawen jom? ;)




SO. 111011. 2214. Kajang, Selangor.

Now

1. I easily get fatigue nowadays. I feel old somehow.

2. Current crush: Johan Aasari aka Botak.

3. Works are piling hell up like they never exist before.

4. Days are challenging in the meantime, and I'm mentally and emotionally abused.

5. I really wanna get some break off. Pretending is freaking hard, man.

6. Shedding few pounds down sounds awesome. I just dont have the heart to do stretching and perspiring and I'm feeling lazy. Yeah. I'm soon to be a couch potato, I know. Stop telling me that.

7. I miss cycling and sitting up.

8. William is absolutely a mouth-watering restaurant. Stepping there again is a gigantic yes.

9. Current song: Someone Like You by Adele

10. Fucking bored. Tyra & Aina left Bangi for Rompin. And I'm probably the last men staying up now.


"Never mind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."




SO. 051011. 0019. Kajang, Selangor.

Future sounds so scary

One month plus to my degree convocation in September and I dont feel excited, yet. After three years of slaving myself to memorising notes and graphs, I am now hesitating of what future will make out of me. And apparently, biology isnt me. It might be the apple of many doctors and surgeons' eyes, but as for myself, it doesnt define who I really am. I do love some parts of bio fields or subjects; the ones related to human and health always attract my attention. But those associated with nature, for instance, botany and environment, so far, dont mesmerize me any further. I realised that my passion and capabilities wont collide, thus making things more complicated. I love maths, but I couldnt solve differential equation and calculus. At times, I found myself getting indulged in reading histories and laws, but I somehow failed to remember which parties had involved in World War II. Writing is what fills my leisure time, but my Bahasa or English is getting worst, due to lack of practises. The one that never ever had or is going to be something I want to treasure is of course, anything thats got to do with softwares, computer skills and information technologies intelligence. That might also be one of the reasons why I am not into games, at all.

If I opt for lecturer or teaching line, I almost get my future guaranteed. But, I guess satisfaction is what I'm gonna miss. If it is business line of which I wanted to do for so long, I ought to be extremely strong (someone advised me so) as risks are everywhere. Or else, be a policewoman, making true of late Tokyem's wish.

I am, urmmm, at my wits ends. Maybe it is way in the future that makes me feel like ''ahh. Its not like i'm gonna settle down everything today so whats there to be worried about.'' The only issue here, how the hell am I gonna answer this ''done for ur degree. Have u applied for spa?'' or ''if u really wanna do masters, whats next? other than being a lecturer, i mean.''

Oh man. This hari raya will sure be hell exhausting explanation (or might be eyes blinking as well) i'd do.




SO. 150811. 1838. BBU, JB.