220213

The ugly truth is, we probably wanted different things out of this relationship. You have that husband-material every girl is dying for, I fell for it too. Its just that, hmm, maybe I watch korean dramas too much, that I was hoping you to be romantic sweet adorable guy with full of surprises blablabla. I know this sounds hell cliche and childish. I'm sorry.

I'm not mad at you, so stop worry.

I need to sit back, relax and unwind. A space might be more than enough.

" Do not ask for more. "

An article said. Am I asking you too much?

Again, I'm terribly sorry.

Maybe, we're in a comfort zone, that we do nothing to please each other, unlike we used to. And I'm missing every single moment of that.

For the weakness of my part, I apologize.

I dont know how to tell you this, without us having tongue-tied.

If you think I'm being emotional, its your right.

All I wanted, was to feel normal.




SO. 0221. Bangi.

Dugaan

When will all of this end? I'm tired.

Why are you doing this to us? For us or for your own self?

Its not fair, its not fair.

I'm afraid if I'd finally be able to speak up, I'd be rude.

You know what, we do not want all of these.

We have so much priorities ahead, than to sit down and do your work.

I wonder if you're happy to see us like this.

Dont u see our gloomy faces?

Cant you read our mind?

Cant you put yourself in our shoes?

I guess you really cant.

For the day I'd talk what I want, thats what I'm counting for,

right now.



SO. Kajang Selangor. 230711. 0036.

Payphone

If "Happy Ever After" did exist,
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of shit
One more fucking love song, I’ll be sick.

Where have the times gone, baby it’s all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?



SO. 220612. 2300. Kajang, Selangor.

Takut

Hati ini Allah yang pegang, hati ini Allah yang pegang, hati ini Allah yang pegang.


" Dia sudah berubah."

Aku masih teringat si polan bercerita padaku. Waktu mendengarnya, aku jadi takut.

" Dia marah-marah, maki-maki..."


Perubahan berlaku sekelip mata. Si polan tidak tahan, mereka putus, dan terus bergaduh.

Si dia yang aku kenal, hmm, biasa-biasa saja orangnya. Aku pernah melihatnya marah, tetapi dia bukanlah seorang yg emosional. Aku menilainya sama seperti orang lain, yang marah bersebab. Sepanjang berkawan dengannya, dia tidak pernah membuatku marah/sedih. Memang aku tidak rapat pun dengannya sebelum ini. Sekadar kawan "hai hai bai bai".

Setelah mendengar cerita si polan, aku menganggap, mungkin si dia bukannya berubah, tetapi he's just revealed his true colours. Ataupun, kalau ikutkan cerita si polan, si dia ini mungkin telah terkena buatan orang. Entahlah. Wallahualam.

Manusia ini senang nak berubah, ke arah positif mahupun negatif.

Sesungguhnya, hati ini Dia yang jaga.

Takut dan paranoid, serba sedikit menggambarkan apa yang aku rasa sekarang. Aku takut situasi yang sama berlaku padaku, ataupun pada mereka2 yang aku sayang.

- Bagaimana sekiranya aku menjadi lebih pemarah dan agresif daripada sekarang?

- Bagaimana sekiranya ayahku menjadi panas baran dan suka memukul?

- Bagaimana sekiranya ibuku berubah hati dan tidak menyayangi kami lagi?

- Bagaimana sekiranya tiada toleransi dalam keluargaku?

- Bagaimana sekiranya yang berubah itu, suamiku sendiri, selepas kami bernikah?

Dan paling perlu diingatkan, iman juga boleh berubah.

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku takut.


"Tetapkanlah hati kami untuk berbuat kebaikan, Ya Rabb."




SO. 230512. 2135. Kajang, Selangor.

R, RM & BM

Lama dah tak tengok kau on field. Seriously R, aku nak sangat tengok kau lawan BM kames ni. Tapi macam tak dapat je, sebab kawan aku teringat yang dia ada hal. Memang tak ah kalau aku kena turun mamak sorang-sorang pukul 2-3 pagi. Agak-agak aku terlebih berani nanti, aku turun jugak kot. ;) kalau keberanian aku terbatas, full hope jelah yang boleh aku letak atas korang. All the best RM, may you succeed. With love, SO.




Kajang. 240412. 2009.

180412

It has been exactly a year tough without you.

Only He knows how much I miss you. Sorry for not being strong.

Its not that I'm hoping you to still be living, I'm just missing your existence and care.

I miss everything about you.

Too many things happened after you gone away. I stumbled lots of time.

Somehow, I feel like you're listening to me.

You were such a great man, I miss you.

You were a good cook, I miss your cooking.

You knew how to sew, you sewed my school badge.

You sent me to school when abah wasnt around, or when I had to be in school early.

You bought me all my fav. junk food.

You killed those frightening cockroaches.

You attended my report card day, met my teacher.

You educate me with your stories and life experiences.

All and all, most importantly, you gave me love, care and attention. I can feel it until now.


I'll remember you until my last breath.

Dear Allah The Almighty, please put my grandpa Haji Ibrahim Mohammed along the pious ones, with those you loved and blessed. Alfatihah.



SO. 180412. 0441. Kajang, Selangor.

Weak

Jujur, aku penat dan stress.

200212. It was a crystal-clear bad decision.

he didn’t understand, she partially did. I guess only He knows best.

I couldn’t focus any longer. I just want to end this now.

Everyone has self-limitation, I just reached mine.

Everyone has strength, I just broke mine.

Everyone has at least a little bit of patience, even this I lost.

It’s good to challenge yourself, but I have nothing left to beat.

I couldn’t stay, I don’t even want to.

I might tear their hearts, what else could I do?

Even if I didn’t do it now, I’m sure I’ll do it later. That’s even more evil, I’m just postponing my apology literally.

I couldn’t stay, I don’t want to.

I’m sorry, for at least, now.




SO. 110412. Rompin. 2129.